Earth to be Attacked by Aliens

‘Potentially hostile’ alien threat could attack Earth in a few months, scientists claim. Writing in the controversial study, researchers said: “The consequences, should the hypothesis turn out to be correct, could potentially be dire for humanity.”

 

The interstellar entity is named 3I/ATLAS and was discovered on July 1. The newly discovered interstellar object's closest approach to the Sun is expected to occur around October 30th, when it will be slightly closer to the orbit of Mars, according to current research on 3I/ATLAS. 

By late November the entity will slip behind the sun and not be visible to Earth. According to some, this could be intentional to avoid detailed observations from Earth-based telescopes when the object is brightest or when gadgets are sent to Earth from that hidden vantage point. Some believe that this could lead to an attack which could “possibly require defensive measures to be undertaken" and even NASA are still investigating the objects physical properties. 

Others, shall we say more conservate people, believe the evidence points to this being an ordinary comet that was ejected from another solar system, just as countless billions of comets have been ejected from our own solar system. The researchers claim that their research is contingent on a remarkable but, as they claim to show, testable hypothesis, to which the authors do not necessarily ascribe (some ass covering there for sure), yet is certainly worthy of an analysis and a report. 

And if it does turn out to be only a comment, then it's worth noting that, given it is believed to be from a distant galaxy, it is very likely the oldest comet ever observed by humanity. In other words we don't know, but for the sheer fun of it lets start with the assumption that its an Alien invasion until it proves to be otherwise and count down the next 116 days to see what fate has in store for us. 

Of course personally I believe that this will never happen as any alien species would need to have an IQ of 10 or lower (in other words the equvlient IQ of a MAGA supporter) to think that this planet is worthy of a visit. I mean, give it enough time and we will wipe ourselves out competely, or even sooner given who's holding the keys to an arsenal of necular weapons in the United states of America (although its a lot less "united" than it use to be!).

What's the Skinny

What is it with pants and trousers these days. Super skinny, ultra skinny, super ultra skinny. I mean half the time I can't even get my foot in the damn things let alone the rest of my leg. Whatever happened to regular sizing? And speaking of sizing, why is it that sizing’s are different from manufacturer to manufacturer.



A 30 inch waist is a 30 inch waist (ok clearly not referring to me there but you get the point). Why label something as a certain size but then inform your customer you need to buy a size up or even two sizes up because the sizing is "on the small side". I mean what the hell does that even mean? Aren't all tape measures equal? isn't an inch or a centimetre the same the world over?

Some of us are graced with muscular thighs, we can't wear skinny or ultra-ultra skinny simply because our legs won't fit into the damn things. Or when we do manage to eventually squeeze into a pair we either end up with a severe case of camel toe or look like we are advertising for a screen test in a porno movie. I mean some trousers leave nothing to the imagination and I am certainly not going to do a drag queen tuck to fit into a pair.

Which of course begs the question for those that do wear them, either they're a total exhibitionist or ...... and trail off there leaving the rest of that statement to your imagination. But seriously, trying on a pair at times is almost like a full body work out. In fact throw that gym membership away and simply go trouser shopping, you might never fit into a pair but after a couple of months trying you'll certainly reap the rewards, and it's free!

But seriously, now that these ridiculous sizing’s have more or less become the norm, shopping for something that actually fits is a challenge. Don't get me wrong, these trousers look good on some people, on others they look like their legs are made of matchsticks and leave you wondering how the hell they can even walk without suffering a serious injury. And don't get me started on visible panty lines again because on some people the effect is well, quite frankly, disturbing to say the least.

They are simply not for me, apart from the struggle to even get into a pair, I actually don't want to wear a pair of trousers that look like they have been spray painted on, with pockets that are more for visual effect rather than functionality because there's simply not a chance in hell you will ever get your hand into some of them. But they are every where now and seem to be the "only" style available which of course is bad news for people like me who have been blessed with big bones, muscular thighs, not to mention some of God's other gifts. It's simply not me, personal taste and all that.

I think I am going to have to search for a decent tailor who can make a simple regular fit trouser, with a slightly tapered leg that don't give me a hernia when I sit down or bend over, and one made using a normal tape measure when it comes to it. In the meantime, I'll simply pray to God that this trend of tight fitting (or ill-fitting in some cases) trousers gives way to something more sensible. Although having said that I have visions (or nightmares) that the next trend will be the complete opposite and baggy will be back in, although thankfully we seem to have passed through the "show off your underway" phase already so there is hope, slim as it may be (and yes pun intended).

UPDATE 30th December 2021
Seems I'm not alone, thankfully. Read more HERE

The Bush

I was recently reminded, after a discussion with a friend of mine, of one of my pet hates and while it may be true I have been lucky enough not to encounter this situation in many years, I know many of you out there have not been as lucky and share this particular hate with probably as much passion, if not more in some cases.

So what am I talking about? 

I am talking about the bush. Of course I don’t mean the bush as in the wonderful green leafy variety, I mean the kind that springs out of peoples underwear and practically attacks you. I am not talking about pubic hair, lets be clear pubic hair has its place, but when it becomes so overgrown and unkempt it literally bursts out of someones underpants and attacks you it has reached a stage that is beyond acceptable.

No girl likes to find a bush on another girl, or a guy, or a guy on a guy or a guy on a girl. It’s just one of those unwritten rules that everyone should already be aware of …. keep it groomed. Keep it neat. Keep it trimmed and tidy. It is not under any preservation order, it is not a wildlife sanctuary (although in some case you have to wonder) and more importantly than all of that a bush is a complete turnoff.

No one want’s to pick hair from their teeth half way through the evening lets face it that is a total mood killer, and no one wants to pretend to be Moses parting the red sea looking for some hidden treasure. I mean seriously there is just no reason for having a bush to begin with unless you are trying to enter the Guinness Book of Records for one of the their more obscure titles in which case you should be warning people about it before they discover it for themselves. 

So, keep it groomed. Keep it short and neat. When someone rips off your underwear they should find the holy grail by default and not need to send out a search party. Shave it, wax it, trim it, get creative with different shapes (and or colours if that's your thing), whatever tickles your fancy or you think might tickles someone else. But lets be clear no-one likes a bush. 

Apart from whatever might be lurking there, do you know that the groin area is one of the sweatiest parts of the body. Just thinking about it I can feel my gag reflex kicking in. So as much as a well groomed pubic area is for aesthetic reasons, it is also a matter of personal hygiene. As much as someone may put their dislike of bush aside to enjoy the moment (well if you've gone that far you might as well continue) if they have to come up for air then they sure as hell won't be going down again. 

So if you fall into the un-groomed category of people let me just tell you up front that when it comes to that romantic moment there is a very high probability that you are going to totally gross your partner out because despite what you may think it really isn’t a pretty sight. In addition while you may have that fantastic one time experience you are killing your chances of having a repeat performance. Because lets face it the majority of people do not like bush, true there are people with fetishes but that's a different topic.

So, with that said, go to your local shop, buy that trimmer you have been thinking about and get grooming.

Ban Christmas Carols

Strolling though the supermarket today I was treated to the nerve jangling sound of the looped tape of Christmas jingles & carols. Now I'm all for setting the mood and the spirit of Christmas, but ...



... how fucking dated is the crap that's being played. I mean its the same old rubbish every year, year after year after annoying year. If I hear Jingle bells one more time I swear I'm going to slash my wrists. I'm thinking of taking all the music and writing parodies of the songs cause I'm so sick of them.

And here in Singapore its even worse. Songs about snow falling and sitting by the fire roasting chestnuts are as out of place as a nun in a whore house. Not only that its played at least 2 months before the actual date and even (insanely so) played as background music in restaurants.

It's blatant discrimination too. I mean we don't hear Indian music 2 months before Deepavali, or the strains of Chinese Opera for 2 months before the lunar new year, festivals that are of equal importance to the communities that celebrate them. Hell no, but come Christmas the looped tape of dated music is switched on everywhere.

I think that what we need is a world wide ban so we don't have to suffer it any more.

As for me its earplugs in and iPod turned on from now on.

Automactic Flush

Public toilets drive me crazy. The moment you walk into the cubicle you know you've made a huge mistake, but alas the call of nature can never be deterred. Gritting your teeth you wade though a carpet of toilet paper wondering why people are so messy only to find that its been used to wipe the foot prints from the toilet seat as you do likewise thinking at the same time how the hell anyone can anyone go in such an unnatural position.



Well its either that or some unthinking untrained son-of-a-bitch has decided to spray urine all over the place, I mean what is it with that. I can only put it down to the fact that some people have an incredibly small penis and it keeps slipping from their fingers.

Of course no sooner have you reluctantly sat down than the automatic flush kicks in spraying your arse with cold water before you've even had a chance to go, which of course totally destroys the moment. No choice but grin and bear it and of course sit absolutely still cause you know if you shift even slightly the damn thing is going to flush again.

Oh yeah, and always check there's enough toilet paper BEFORE you actually do anything. Annoying or what!

MRT Blues

After being totally let down by Singapore's taxi service which is the subject of a couple of rants already, I've been waking up that little bit earlier and after my early morning run (mentioned purely because of how torturous it is) I walk the 15 minutes to the MRT station listening to my iPod all the way. Needless to say by the time I get to the station I'm in a great mood which is just as well because it ....



.... all starts going wrong on the escalator down to the station.

There's always some complete and utter twat who insists on standing on the right even though the signs ask people to stand on the left. So those of us who like to walk down the bloody thing are trapped before we've even started the journey. I mean how stupid do people have to be to understand that they are in the way and move their sorry arse to the left.

Next thing to deal with is waiting at the doors of the train. There's always some plonker who arrives at the very last second as the train arrives and pushes their way by you to get on to the train even though you've been standing there patiently for the last 4 minutes for the damn thing to arrive, and take note so far women are the worst offenders.

So now you're on a packed train squeezed up against the doors even through there would be enough room if only people would move down the damn carriage. On the left you're fighting with the idiot who insists on using what little space there is around you to read the morning paper, to the right is the other idiot who leans against the bar so that those around him have nothing to hold on to. If front of you is the women who keeps adjusting her shoulder bag and smacking you in the nuts with it at every opportunity, while behind you is the person who can't spell deodorant. And then the doors open at the next station, and yes even though you couldn't squeeze a knat's arse in there is always one bastard who shoves their way on stepping on your feet in the process. If the fucker was blind deaf and dumb there'd be some excuse.

And then you arrive at your station and its as though the train having swallowed up all these people finds them not to its taste (understandable in some cases) and vomits them all out. Naturally you are now in the way of this stampede and either go with the flow or get trampled on.

So how was your Monday!

Straining It

Ok, a question to the masses. Why is it in a public toilet that you always end up in the cubicle next to the guy who's making the type of sounds that leave you to assume he's about to either crap a cannon ball, or explode?



I mean what is it with that? All that grunting and groaning and other sounds that for the life of me I haven't a clue how to type. It's as though there is an inbuilt need to announce to everyone in the immediate area that they're taking a dump, some sort of macho crapping ritual that I just don't get.

And lets not talk about the idiots who insist on having a conversation on their mobile phone at the same time. Not bad enough that everyone else has to listen but they call a friend as well.

Seriously one of these days I'm just not going to be able to restrain myself and burst into applause.

Anal Sex is ok in Singapore

Yes its true, believe it or not the Singapore government recently revoked an age old law that made it a criminal offence for people to engage in anal or oral sex, even if they were married. Of course it only revoked this law for hetrosexual couples. Homosexuality still remains a crime in Singapore. Discrimination I hear you cry .... 



.... not in Singapore. Appearantly the govenement is just protecting its people who aren't ready to deal with the issue of homosexuality yet.

Still its nice to know in such a civilised society that women can now legally enjoy a bit of bum fun with their spouses, and I'm sure they're totally trilled by the prospect. Of course one must wonder who advised the change in this particular law. Wouldn't you just love to be a fly on the wall in that household!.

Oh Yessssss minister!!!!